prelude errant

regret

it's days like today that make me wish
i'd never heard of you,
and spared myself
all the heartache, pain, and loneliness.
sometimes, on days such as this,
i wish our paths had never crossed
and then i remember that i'd have given up
the whole world
for much less--
just to know you're in it.
forgive me for my failings.

i thank you
for your understanding,
your guidance,
and your dreams,
for they fed
my own knowledge,
led me through
the desert,
and filled
my heart.
there are days when i, too, wish
that i could have shared more with you...
now i gladly stay in the shadows
and silently praise your greatness--
just to know you're thriving.
forgive me for my faith.

if i had an addiction,
you are it.
and i just can't seem to let you go.
one day, you'll see that lighthouse
in your soul
calling to
my wandering vessel,
promising that i, too, could attain
that spark
you so readily possessed.
like a moth
drawing ever closer to the flame,
it was a gambit i had to take--
just to know
if you ever saw
that same spark
i saw in you.
forgive me for my presumptions.

to this day,
i do not understand
why it had to be
so fleeting;
it's part of the reason
i love and admire you,
yet am saddened and angered
when i think of the past.
it's part of the reason
i praise and dream,
yet curse the day i ever saw you.
it's part of the reason
i seek you out,
just to be near—
and then forget the words i wish to say--
just to keep you away
from ever knowing
my pain.
forgive me for my love.

posted by melykeyello @ 19:46